You may think this has something to do with the fact that I’m blogging at almost 9pm. While it kind of does, it also pertains to something else that has been on my mind all day.
Matt went out of town Monday night and was supposed to be home this evening. This is nothing new and I was completely prepared for it. What I wasn’t prepared for was that Nora and I began to run fevers around dinner time last night which made that last 5pm-7pm push especially hard. Everyone was in bed by 7pm (including me) and asleep shortly after. Success…or so I thought!
This morning we woke around the usual 6:30am and started our day. By 7:30am I felt the sickness coming back on. Nora did too. We took some Motrin to keep the fever away.
(Nora asked what her ‘options’ were to keep a fever away. I told her 1:Medicine 2:Water 3:Rest…and she followed it all day).
It was a vicious cycle. Parent from the couch, get up enough energy to change them, wipe them, feed them, get naps, continue post-op care, etc. In short, today I felt defeated. I’m sure you’ve had this feeling too. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or not, we can all relate to the days that we just feel sub-par.
To top it off, Matt’s trip ended up being extended a day and I fought back the tears when he told me this over the phone. Yay! Not only do I get to feel like a bad mom today, but I get to feel like a bad wife too!
I recently listed to a teaching in church that mentioned the idea of a sabbath. Not in a day, but maybe in an action. The speaker talked specifically of giving herself a sabbath from her negative self-talk. Everytime a negative thought enters your mind (about how you could, should, or would do x,y,z) take a moment to step back and give yourself some grace. This principle is the single thing that has gotten me through the past 24 hours.
So there we were…the dreaded 5pm-7pm dinner/pre-bedtime push and my blood pressure was rising while my energy was dwindling. I attempted to love both of my kids individually and give them some one-on-one time. Nora felt so crummy that she crashed in my bed while I did Bennett’s bedtime bath and routine. I then went to get Nora ready for bed and she made it known she actually really wanted her bath and was looking forward to it. Instead of beating myself up over not waking her to take a bath at the right time with her brother (thus keeping me up later) I took the time to be thankful that I would get a solid hour of one-on-one time (even if we both feel like dogshit). After knocking a full length mirror off of her wall, falling over it, then shutting my fingers in the door, I fell in bed beside her and began talking about our day.
It was silent for what felt like 10 minutes when all of the sudden, in the faintest little voice, she rolled over and said “You do know that you’re a super great Mommy, right?”. Better late than never.
Here’s to tomorrow!