Infertility · Kate

The Beautifully Hard Days

Yesterday was one of my most favorite days of the year. Friendsgiving.  I absolutely adore the people who fill my sister’s house that day. Most of them I’ve watched grow up over the past 15 years and I get great joy from watching how the group has evolved in that time frame…first to include significant others and now to include their children. Then there are college friends and neighbors whom have also become church family.  And despite the fact that Paul and I have successfully infiltrated my sister and brother-in-law’s circle of friends (don’t go telling anyone-not sure they’ve picked up on it yet 😉 ), their friends have become ours and honestly, some of our biggest supporters over the years. It’s because of their support for us that everyone who gathers for friendsgiving is nestled deep in my heart.

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I woke up yesterday morning with the very stark realization that this friendsgiving would be a very challenging day for Paul and me. We’ve been incredibly deliberate during our infertility journey about not doing procedures around the holidays. Unfortunately though, we weren’t so deliberate about when we made pregnancy announcements. At last year’s friendsgiving we were all ‘look at us, we’re finally pregnant and there’s a heartbeat to boot!” and this year we’re like “just kidding, it’s just us, the childless couple, as per usual.”

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Luckily, thanks to some mandatory training this week, Paul was able to have the day off, which was a wonderful gift, because I needed him by my side yesterday. So, we started off the day by heading to the place where life gets put into perspective real fast…church. Just what my soul needed. And then we got to meet our friend’s new baby. Which was also a wonderful gift because our friends had waited a long time, too. I’m not sure where or when it happened, but somewhere along this journey I learned to understand that other people’s stories are not mine and my story doesn’t belong to others….which is awesome for other people, because who wants this story? I mean, am I right?

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When we got home, I started my friendsgiving preparations which included making the sweet potato casserole and some drunk santa fudge.  Which is absolutely no joke.  It has vodka in it and proved to be more of a scientific experiment in how people respond to vodka in fudge versus an actual enjoyable dessert.  Paul was so looking forward to relaxing and watching some afternoon football and I was so looking forward to convincing him to hang up some of our outdoor Christmas lights and yet he ended up taking our dog Max to the emergency vet…’cause ya know that’s how life goes.

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Luckily, Paul made it back in time for friendsgiving which was a miracle in and of itself. Then it was time for the festivities and we chatted and ate and chatted and ate and enjoyed the chaos of 11 kids under the age of 5. We are so grateful for two parents and one sister who were willing to help with watching the tiny humans while we ate and chatted.

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As the events of yesterday unfolded, I became more and more aware with the passing of each one, how absolutely beautiful of a day it was.  And despite knowing how the events of last year’s friendsgiving played out, it’s still a day I will cherish yearly.  Such a beautifully hard day.

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